No He Didn't! (Put a Ring on It)

Tomorrow I am celebrating Valentine's Day as a SINGLE LADY (all my single ladies, all my single ladies put your hands up!) And for the first time I am totally embracing my single status and saying "Boys, I love you, but I just can't deal with you right now." So I'm really looking forward to making a lovely dinner, eating red velvet cake, and drinking wine with some of my girls while spreading the V-Day love to my friends. And while Mr. Right -- or even Mr. Right Now -- is out there somewhere, I'll just humor you and reminisce on some of the Mr. Wrongs of the recent past.

.

I went to a party with my roommate S and our friend T. I met a cute boy, let's call him The Desperate D-Bag, and he asked me out to dinner the next weekend. He was very nice to me, the conversation was interesting, but he was just really bleh. My biggest turn off was that he was incredibly rude to our sweet-as-pie waitress and - oh yeah, let me mention that I was waiting tables at the time. So needless to say, not a spark flew that evening and I declined his invitation to go meet his friends at a bar after dinner. I went home and snuggled up with my roomie S to watch a movie when my phone rang. It was T, letting me know that The Desperate D-Bag had just texted her asking what she was doing that night! Seriously?! Come on now, give it a day, dude! He even had the balls to call and ask me out the next week. I coolly replied, "I can't this weekend but maybe T is available?"

.

I met this unbelievably cute, successful guy through my agent. We exchanged the cutest and funniest e-mails for several weeks before he asked me out for coffee one day. I was so charmed by his bright eyes and his melt-your-heart smile, and our coffee date lasted over two wonderful hours. He kept refilling my coffee and even bought me a bag of pastries for my roommates - how sweet is that! I mentioned that I only lived a few blocks away so he offered to walk me home. We shared an umbrella as we walked in the rain, and he shyly looked at me out of the corner of his eye and asked, "So..are you seeing anyone?" I blushed and said, "No, not really...(translation: YOU I HOPE!)...are you seeing anyone?" He smiled and said, "Yeah, yes I am, she's really great..." and proceeded to tell me all about his girlfriend.

.

After a particularly boring and chemistry-less date I pulled every trick in my girl arsenal from faking a headache to having my friend call with an emergency and I still couldn't shake the guy. He insisted on having a beer to cure my headache (?!) or coming with me to the emergency. Finally I firmly insisted that I needed to leave and he, well, pretty much followed me home -- every two blocks I would say, "alright, we're close you can drop me off here!" and he would say "no no, I'll walk you home." He was slightly creepy and I sort of didn't want him to know where I lived so I pretended to walk into another building and said, "thanks so much for everything! Goodnight!" He literally grabbed my head from the back of my hair and tried to pull me in for a kiss. Good thing a girl knows how to duck out of the way.

Pretty much my face after each of these little adventures.